Spooky

Every night while Nathan was gone, I left two lights on. One little light in the kitchen, and one light in the little bathroom.

At bedtime I had this whole routine. I would turn off the lights in the front room and turn on the light in the kitchen. I would turn on all my bedroom lights and then go out and turn off the hallway lights and stair lights. I would make sure the light was on in the little bathroom and that the door was only about an inch open, then I would make my way to bed, turning off lights until my bedside lamp was the only light on (besides the kitchen light and the little bathroom light which I left on all night every night.) Then I would read until I was ready to sleep and I'd switch off the lamp by my bed.

The light from the little bathroom let me feel safe, but wasn't so bright that it interupted my dreams.

With Nathan home now, I don't leave any lights on. I feel safe. Isn't that the best?

Here's the spooky part. The other night I stayed up reading while Nathan went to bed. Everyone was asleep but me. When I was ready to go to bed I turned off all the lights, even the little one in the kitchen and the one in the little bathroom. I remember pausing to ask myself if I needed to leave that light on to light my way to bed, but then I decided I didn't need it and I turned it off and went to bed. That's not the scary part, yet.

In the morning I woke up at 5:24am, as usual, unfortunately, and got up to make a little breakfast for Hannah before seminary. I found my glasses and brushed my teeth and headed out of my room.

And then I noticed something spooky. The light in the little bathroom was on, and the door was open just so.

I know I didn't leave it on. I am 99.5 percent sure I didn't. I asked Hannah if she had come downstairs before I got up and she said no. Later in the morning I asked Sydney, Emily, and John if they had gotten up in the middle of the night and used the little downstairs bathroom. They said no. Nathan said no.

How did the light get turned on?

I'm sure I didn't leave it on.

I think.

Spooky!

Real Life

Nathan has been home from Iraq now for just over a month. And it has been mostly smooth sailing so far (knock on wood). There was some initial angst, but that was due to some overachievers in the Flight Records office, not me!

We've all had to make some adjustments - Nathan was a little unprepared for the afternoon rush around here, and the laundry staged a coup. But things seem to be slipping back into real life and it feels good.

Yesterday was my day to drive Hannah and co. to seminary at 5:45am. I jogged while they were studying and it was nice to have a moment to reflect on the last few weeks. It is kind of weird to be in that place that I was waiting waiting waiting for, you know? I have spent most of the last year worrying and waiting and worrying some more and it feels great to have broken out of that cycle. But it is so easy to start taking regular life for granted. So I spent a little time thinking about me and taking stock of whether or not I'm doing all those things that I said I would do when Nathan got home.

On my way back home after dropping the kids off at the high school, I drove past our elementary school, and saw Nathan and the kids walking down the sidewalk with backpacks on and hair slicked down.

It was a beautiful morning!

=

Home Again

John and Dad

Sydney and Dad

Dad and Emily

Hannah and Dad

What a great week!

The night Nathan came home seemed rather unreal. We tidied up the house, hung the welcome home banner, and I started a movie for the kids while I headed to the airport. Nathan wasn't coming home with a big group. His group came home a few days earlier, so it was just him. No big ceremony or parade. Perfect!

There was construction at the airport, and I missed the parking garage and ended up leaving the airport and having to drive into Honolulu to turn around! I was plenty early, so I just kept calm and tried again.

At the airport I went to the USO and filled out paperwork so that I could pass through security and go to the arrival gate to meet Nathan. Then I had to hike from one end of the airport to the other (twice) in my cute red sandals. That airport is bigger than it looks.

Just after I found gate 22, an airplane pulled in. They were about a half hour early. Yipes! I saw a few other families waiting for their dads, too. I felt like I had electricity in my skin while I was standing there, waiting.

It was fun to see Nathan before he saw me. He is so cute!

We broke the "no PDA in uniform" rule! Then found his baggage, said "Hi" to his commander who had come to welcome him home, and headed home.

The kids hung a Happy Birthday banner for Nathan, and taped paper over the door for him to break through, since he missed his birthday while he was gone. That was totally fun. John thought that was great.

It is so sweet to have our family together again.

Welcome Home, Nathan!

Checking My List

I worked hard last week so that I wouldn't have any big projects to do if Nathan got home earlier than expected, so my to do list for tomorrow is easy-peasy:

get hannah to her first day of seminary(!)
get the kids to school
do my regular Monday Clean-o-Rama
hope for a phone call from Atlanta
wash sheets
and go to the commissary


Not bad.

I just love lists, don't you? As a special treat I have an old list to review. I thought I'd revisit my list of deployment goals/New Year's resolutions to see how I did. Here it is, copied and pasted from January 3rd - slashes added:

This year I want to:

1 Spend less $

2 Save more $$$

3 Pay off the big red 'burb

4 Stay home more

5 Write

6 Read good books

7 Take a class (hula)

8Learn to surf for reals

9 Plan and Survive (and hopefully even enjoy) Girls Camp

10 Run 5x a weekmostly

11 Do the Great Aloha Run

12 Hang curtains and pictures in my bedroom

13 Look Hawt when Nathan gets home in September

In Review:

I am most proud of #3. That was my main big goal for this deployment. And it was tough, but we did it! It was an exciting day when I got a little notice from the bank, stating me that that giant gas guzzling car taking up two parking spots at the grocery store is mine! All Mine! Which makes it easier to do more of #1 an #2!

All year I have done a great job at #10...until last week...in which I ran just once. Yikes. I hope that doesn't affect my chance at #13.

Did you notice I wrote "September" on #13. All along Nathan was saying July. I was saying September. It is better to be pleasantly surprised with an earlier return date, don't you think?

Unfortunately, I still can't surf. I will learn to surf. I will... I will... hey Mary, wanna take a surfing lesson with me when you come visit? Let's try to leave the guys at home so there won't be any more of those embarrassing photo's...

I wish I had been better at #4 so I would have had more time for #5. It seems like I got busy busy busy as soon as Hannah started rehearsals for her play, and I haven't had a chance to slow down since. I have a feeling things will change a little when there's more than one driver around here, and me with just one car.

And here's me, way back in December, working on goal #6:




That's all!

Waiting

Maybe it's a good thing Nathan didn't make it home from Iraq this weekend.


I gotsta read!





Bella: "Should I be afraid?"
Edward: "Terrified."

Soon

Earlier this week I got a note from Nathan saying "I'm making my way home."

I spent all week trying to decipher those 5 words... what does that mean exactly? coming home when? this week? next week? I worked through the tension by cleaning out closets and getting my hair done. I finally got to talk to him this morning.

Just a few more days until he comes home!

Yippeee!




Here is some reunion advice for myself from the ghost of reunion past.

Deployment #1. John was a baby, I was a new Primary President, and I shovelled a lot of snow while Nathan was sitting easy in a tropical location. I had crazy expectations when he got home, and I was easily disappointed.

Reunion #1 lesson learned - have less expectations. and relax.


Deployment #2 The kids were a little bigger and a lot busier. I spent a lot of time with the snow shovel, again, while Nathan was (again) in a tropical location. Nathan came home at the intersection of track and soccer seasons. We also had piano lessons, preschool, and lots of Primary responsibilities and activities. I tried hard to remember deployment lesson #1. But I think I disappointed Nathan by all our busy activities. My favorite thing about that reunion is that I made arrangements for Nathan and I to escape for a night about a week after he got home.

Reunion #2 lesson learned - don't be so busy, and take the time to escape.


Deployment #3 - I'm in the tropical location this time! Ha! And already this week I've been fighting the expectation game.....but I'm working on it! What I'm really worried about is lesson #2 - don't be so busy.

The kids are getting settled into the school routine, and our calendar next week is looking full. Today I am going to call and find a replacement for myself for YW and cancel piano lessons. I'm skipping the PTO meeting and I'm also going to email the band director and let him know that I won't be able to make it to the band parent orientation meeting.

Luckily I already arranged a carpool for cross country, but but there's still the 5th grade pizza social and the Kindergarten orientation... arrrg.




I know some of you have been through bigger and badder deployments than I have, and I know you've got some great advice, so let me have it. Give me have your best reunion tip!





*I wonder if my favorite babysitter is available for a weekend later this month...

Bad Dream

It's been a while since I had a bad dream about Nathan.

But, early this morning I had one of those bad bad dreams. I don't remember the whole dream, and I don't wanna write about all of it and jinx myself or something, but it ended with me trying to decide if it would be better to move with the kids to California near his family, or Oregon near mine. (which is a tiny bit odd since I don't have a whole lotta family in Oregon)

and then I heard a knock on the door.

The knock woke me up from my bad dream and I stayed in bed until I heard another knock to be sure I wasn't still dreaming.

at 5:45am.

That's just the kind of thing to stop my heart.

and make me wish I wore attractive jammies to bed last night.

But I scrambled to find my glasses and my robe. I made it to the door and looked out the peep hole......

...and it was just a neighbor kid offering Hannah a ride to cross country practice, not a few men in uniform. Whew!


note to Nathan: come home soon!

Is this my real life?

Nathan's deployment is winding down, but I'm not seeing an end to deployments any time soon. And it makes me a little sad and a little scared. In our neighborhood I see families preparing for the next deployment, though it seems like their husbands just got home from the last one. Wait, they did just get home in October.

During Nathan's first deployment I read every WWII book I could get my hands on. I felt a sort of kinship to those families who waited on the homefront with their victory gardens and blue star banners. But the deployment pattern in WWII is not the same pattern we have today. For them, it was one big bad deployment, and when (or if) their son or husband or brother came home, that was it. Mission completed. The end. Next up - Real life and happily ever after.

Today the deployment cycle seems to be never ending. Deploy. adjust. reunion. adjust. deploy....

Each time Nathan has deployed I have told myself that this is the only time he'll have to go. Or the last time. And while he's gone, I'm waiting. Waiting for him to call. Waiting for him to come home. Waiting.

I'm probably a little slow in realizing that this could go on for a long time. A really long time.

Don't get me wrong. I'm proud of my husband and the job he does to support and defend our great nation. And I am genuinely happy. I'm just thinking out loud here. And I'm wondering if I've got the right perspective on today. on my life.

Maybe this is my real life. What now?

#1 Dad

We love you! Happy Father's Day!

Come home soon.

It's Aloha Friday

The very best thing about living in Hawaii is the people. Living on Post we don't always have a lot of interaction with "real" Hawaiians - our kids go to base schools with other military brats, we see military doctors, we shop at military stores. But thanks to our church we have been able to get close to some really awesome locals.

We were recently invited to a retirement party for a man in our ward. He is retiring after 40 years as a school administrator. He and his wife are planning to move to the mainland to live their dream of working on an Indian Reservation later this year. They have a huge-o-rama family with 5 grown children with children of their own, and 4 more children still at home, their youngest just 7 years old. I love this family.

I brought a dish of chicken to the party to share and the spread was excellent - lots of sushi and rice and shrimp and seasoned beef. I was ready to eat way too much food and have fun visiting with friends, but I was unprepared for the totally rockin' entertainment:

Elvis Performed Live!


The Blues Brother mixed it up,


And Johnny Cash wore his favorite black shirt!


Unfortunately Sonny and Cher were unable to make it due to a previous engagement...

Nathan - you would have loved it!

*********

Deployment Diaries:

I've been waiting to hear from Nathan all week. I talked to him early Sunday morning and nothing since. I knew he was probably heading into theater (is that what you call it?) so I was worried. But I got an email from him this evening (thursday). That was a relief.

Now it is 12:30am on Friday morning and Nathan just called. Luckily I stayed up to watch a movie, so I was awake for the phone call. He was at work trying out the phone line and not actually able to really talk.

and I couldn't help it, I started crying. Why does my voice get choked off when I cry? I don't even think feel all that sad - it's just like this big emotion that I can't contain so it leaks out in tears. I cried on the phone, which made it hard to talk so I couldn't say all the things I've been storing up, which made me cry more. And that probably didn't exactly brighten up Nathan's day. so I had to cry some more after I hung up the phone and now I'm crying while typing this sad paragraph. oh bother.

Monday Morning

It is December! And so we start our Christmas Countdown. and our deployment countdown.

We have a few weeks until Nathan heads to Iraq, and I've become a little weepy at odd moments. This is strange for me because (a)I think I'm generally a happy person - I like to smile at strangers and wave at people I pass on the street. When pregnant I get grouchy, not teary-eyed. Waaa! and (b) I don't remember being like this when he's deployed other times.

I probably shouldn't write about this, because I don't want my mom to worry and I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, but this is like my journal and I'm keepin' it real!

I've found that it's not a good time to read WWII novels. or listen to sad songs. I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane is on my banned music list.

This wouldn't be so bad if I could cry in a grown up kind of one tear down my cheek kind of way. Instead my nose runs, my whole face turns red, and I get a little snorty. One good thing is that my eyes are at their most lovely green when I cry, if you can see them past my puffy eyelids and running mascara...

On Saturday at WalWart I saw a friend whose husband is leaving this week and I got all teary eyed. She seemed in great spirits. I'm sure she was wondering what's wrong with me.

The worst thing is that Aloha Oi song. Here in Hawaii there is a beautiful tradition at church of singing Aloha Oi' to families and individuals as a farewell just before they move away. They go to the front of the Chapel. We stand and sing, then line up to give them a lei and a hug. I love it, but it makes me a little choked up even on a good week. This Sunday we sang to several men who will be deployed soon and I was crying in a very unattractive runny nosed way.

Awe, shucks, I'm getting teary just thinking about it...

Earlier this year I read "Rilla of Ingleside" by L. M. Montgomery. It is about Anne's family during World War One. I was struck by the strength of the women and their ability to send the boys to war with a smile on their face and no tears.

I wish I could be like that, but I'm not sure if I can. I can already see our airport scene... I wonder if Nathan will mind if we just pull up to the curb and dump his big green bags onto the sidewalk...

I'm just telling this to you guys, cuz I know you can keep a secret. You are absolutely NOT allowed to say, "oooo, are you OKay?" or pat my shoulder, or tell me how much worse it was for you, or say anything mushy, got it? I'm going to be too busy to mope around, and if you say anything about my red eyes, I'll say I have allergies.