Monday, December 03, 2007

Monday Morning

It is December! And so we start our Christmas Countdown. and our deployment countdown.

We have a few weeks until Nathan heads to Iraq, and I've become a little weepy at odd moments. This is strange for me because (a)I think I'm generally a happy person - I like to smile at strangers and wave at people I pass on the street. When pregnant I get grouchy, not teary-eyed. Waaa! and (b) I don't remember being like this when he's deployed other times.

I probably shouldn't write about this, because I don't want my mom to worry and I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, but this is like my journal and I'm keepin' it real!

I've found that it's not a good time to read WWII novels. or listen to sad songs. I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane is on my banned music list.

This wouldn't be so bad if I could cry in a grown up kind of one tear down my cheek kind of way. Instead my nose runs, my whole face turns red, and I get a little snorty. One good thing is that my eyes are at their most lovely green when I cry, if you can see them past my puffy eyelids and running mascara...

On Saturday at WalWart I saw a friend whose husband is leaving this week and I got all teary eyed. She seemed in great spirits. I'm sure she was wondering what's wrong with me.

The worst thing is that Aloha Oi song. Here in Hawaii there is a beautiful tradition at church of singing Aloha Oi' to families and individuals as a farewell just before they move away. They go to the front of the Chapel. We stand and sing, then line up to give them a lei and a hug. I love it, but it makes me a little choked up even on a good week. This Sunday we sang to several men who will be deployed soon and I was crying in a very unattractive runny nosed way.

Awe, shucks, I'm getting teary just thinking about it...

Earlier this year I read "Rilla of Ingleside" by L. M. Montgomery. It is about Anne's family during World War One. I was struck by the strength of the women and their ability to send the boys to war with a smile on their face and no tears.

I wish I could be like that, but I'm not sure if I can. I can already see our airport scene... I wonder if Nathan will mind if we just pull up to the curb and dump his big green bags onto the sidewalk...

I'm just telling this to you guys, cuz I know you can keep a secret. You are absolutely NOT allowed to say, "oooo, are you OKay?" or pat my shoulder, or tell me how much worse it was for you, or say anything mushy, got it? I'm going to be too busy to mope around, and if you say anything about my red eyes, I'll say I have allergies.

17 comments:

No Cool Story said...

this is me right now
'
'
'
'
Because this is raw, pure undiluted reality.

But then I reas "or tell me how much worse it was for you". No one is allowed to ever say that Wendy. No one.

Deanne said...

I don't like empty platitudes either. I also don't like it when people say 'it's going be ok'. I know, they come from well-meaning people with good intentions but sometimes we people just need to keep quiet and just be a good shoulder for crying on or an ear for listening. Right?! :)

trying said...

I think the anticipation of saying goodbye is the hardest part. I wish I had more meaningful words of wisdom but simply put... it sucks. Hang in there and enjoy the holidays with him!

Mary said...

Just reading this post made me teary for you guys. You guys are such a great family! I wish I could come give you a big hug! (I know, that's mushy, but I do!) Sheesh, the Aloha Oi song and leis tradition is so sweet, but so emotional. Wow. I'm sorry I'm just a-ramblin' today.

p.s. I totally get the ugly cry too sista.

nikko said...

I've done my fair share of ugly crying lately, too.

I didn't realize he was deploying soon. Wish I had something wonderful to say to make it seem more manageable. For me, the anticipation of something like that is always ten times worse than the actual event. Hoping it's the same for you. Hugs!

wendy said...

Awe, you guys are the best. I think you are right about the anticipation being worse. Thanks!

randi---i have to say said...

I think it is completely normal for you to feel weepy over this! I would be a basket-case, for sure.

My prayers will be with you and your hubby (I am assuming you are talking about your hubby???) and I appreciate the sacrifice you both make for all of us. Blessings to you!

Tori :) said...

:( :( :( I'm sorry Wendy. I wish I could actually be THERE and give you big hugs. (And I'm not just saying that because you live in Hawaii.) :)

Lee Anne said...

The grown up tears! I always thought of them as Ingrid Bergman tears, the kind that didn't smear your makeup or make your eyes puffy. I got all weepy, too, and did a good bit of ugly crying as well. And, yes, the anticipation was much worse than the actual event. Sending good thoughts your way!

And, I'll check out the "Rilla of Ingleside."

txmommy said...

clearly I don't know the right thing to say, but I keep you and all our soliders and their families in my prayers.
And I hope you have a wonderful holiday, the deployment goes quick, and that when he comes home you will have some fab-U-lous new surfing tricks to show off and impress him with!

Suzanne said...

Wendy, I just wanted to let you know that I'm here...well at least as close as my computer will bring me. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. How long will he be in Iraq for? I hope the time goes quickly!

Terina said...

i love rilla of ingleside!! that is one of my favorites. when my husband deploys, i'll be right back here asking you how you did it.

Butterfly Wife said...

So your eyes are getting ready for the holidays too with the green and red? How cool is that! :D

No mushy stuff. Got it.

And last time Jack Bauer was home on leave, I did just drop him off at the airport to go back to Iraq. Hugged him at the curb and kicked him on his way.

Amanda said...

Oh, Wendy, you are so strong! I've always admired your strength and positive attitude and ability to be tough in the face of hardship. But that doesn't mean that you can't cry. Crying is completely allowed! I wish I was there too to give you a big hug and lend a hand anywhere I could. Just know that you are being thought of and prayed for here in SD.

Yvonne said...

I thought and thought about what I could say. I don't know you at all (and obviously you don't know me) but I just wanted you to know the love and appreciation I have for those who serve in the armed forces, and the families of those that serve. You and they do all of us such a great service. Saying thank you is not enough, but that and my prayers for you and your family is all I have to offer.

Ann M. said...

I'm not going to say any of those things, just that I get the same way when there is a deployment looming. And I'm a seriously ugly crier, too. All tomato red and hiccuping like I'm going to die.

And those women in WWI? They were probably really good fakers. Or it was easier for them because they didn't have news blaring at them 24/7 from CNN and the internet.

Jody said...

What txmommy said. I will keep you all in my prayers, and I mean that!