Sunday, September 23, 2007

Return to Sender

Dear Erin,
I thought of you yesterday. We were at Old Navy and I noticed their cute maternity clothes. I meant to buy you a gift card, but I got carried away with the sale on shoes and bags. By the time we made it to the check out, you had totally slipped my mind. I was hoping to be your #1 favorite sister. I failed. But, gosh, my new shoes are cute!

Your (lame) Sister,
w

***************

Dear Housing Office,
I hope you are considering installing a bigger fence between my house and the building going up next door. I could use a little more privacy. Early Friday morning I heard some of the workers over there laughing. I'm sure they were laughing at me! There is nothing wrong with taking out the trash with my hair up in a towel. My sunrise Yoga seems to be getting a bit too much attention, too (I wonder if I'm doing my downward dog properly?)

Tentant #101,
w

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Dear John,
I'm not really interested in wiping your bottom any more. Even when your poop is a suprising and unnatural shade of green.

Love,
Mom

PS - did you remember to wash your hands?
PPS - get back in there and flush!

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Dear Bathroom Scale,
You lie. Don't pretend to be so innocent. I would appreciate just a little recognition for all my early morning jogging and vegetable eating. Come on, just move a little...

Eagerly Awaiting your Response,
w

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Dear Nathan,
Go ahead and let the Army know that I have accomplished all my pre-deployment training: fast food speed dialing? check! Retail Therapy? Check! Scary sounds and sleep deprivation? check! Minor emergency involving a trip to the doctor and huge amounts of laundry? check! (Extra)Large bug sighting and messy squish? check! Grouchy kids sent to bed early? check!

I have no need of further training! Come on home!

Yours,
w

16 comments:

Butterfly Wife said...

You are funny! I am sure yoru downward dog is just beautiful. :D

Gina said...

You are cracking me up! I hope you get replies to your queries very soon!

Glad you got the package! Sorry I ended up being the slow one on the trade. I will post towel photos after we give it to Liam for his bday next month.

No Cool Story said...

I love it when you do these!!! :D
Scary sounds and sleep deprivation? check!, This is still hapenning? :( So, sorry. When I wake up at 2 am I think about you, I think "I wonder what Wendy is doing". So, what are you doing at 2 am NW time.

You on my blog : "I can't watch it. Sorry. If I do I will no longer be able to say I've never seen the office" HAHAHAHAHAHA! You are so funny!

muse said...

Take a nice nap, out of view of the workers.

Deanne said...

Love the 'dear John' letter!!! I wish I could say that I'm done with that phase of my life....but I'm not. Isabel has yet to begin her training. Soon. Very soon I'll be done! But(t) many more poopy bottoms yet to come first. *sigh* Oh the non-joys of motherhood.

Ann M. said...

I loved these! Especially the last one--so true!!

Mary said...

Dear Wendy,

It's okay that you forgot Erin in your Old Navy shopping spree, but I'm shocked that you forgot me. Wah.

Shoeless in MD,
Mary

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Dear Wendy,

I'm so in love with these letter posts, I can't even tell you. And if I have to be surprised by Carter's turquoise poo one more time, I think I'll go insane. Yes, it's been turquoise. What am I feeding this child?

Love, Millie

Tori :) said...

Livie has had funky blue poo. It could have something to do with all the popsicles she eats.

I love your letters!! Great post.

Suzanne said...

Wnedy, you are a hoot! I hope your hubby is coming home soon. The retail therapy may force him to! LOL! :D

nikko said...

Dear Wendy,

I, too, love your letter posts and wish someday to be as creative and fun as you and do the same on my blog. You wouldn't mind, would you?

I hope the technicolor poop doesn't last. It's always a bit freaky, isn't it?

Hope Nathan is on his way home soon.

Love, Nikko

texasblu said...

You have such a wonderful way of using humor to lighten the load. Wendy, you're amazing! :)

Lemon Stand said...

Like Gina said... You crack me up! Too funny. Thank you for the laughs. (I sure hope that man of yours gets home safely soon! Otherwise we might need another virtual vacation! Where are we going next time?)

Elizabeth-W said...

Do you have mongooses there? Mongeese??
A family just moved into our ward from some Hawaii and her children had never seen a squirrel before and thought it was a mongoose!!
ps-I adore your letters!

Carrot Jello said...

Dear Wendy,
If I were you, I wouldn't admit to your sister that I bought everything for myself, and not a thing for her. Especially when she is a poor, pregnant student. ;)
I'm just sayin'.
Love,
Carrot

Amanda said...

Wendy,
I agree with everyone else, I love these letter posts! They are my favorite! You are so clever!

And about the strangely colored poop, I noticed this would happen after my kids ate certian things. Like Captain crunch berry for instance, or crayons, or as tori said - popsicles would do it!

Thinking of you and praying that all goes well this deployment,
Yours truly,
Amanda