Gone

This is not fun. Counting down to Christmas only meant that Nathan's deployment also got here. Christmas was bittersweet as I shopped for little things that he would need while he is away - shorts, shaving cream, a calling card. Christmas is over, and Nathan and the tree are both gone.

For the last couple weeks I have found myself a little weepy at odd moments. At the bowling alley. In the kitchen. I keep thinking it's like having a baby - the first time everyone tells you how bad it is, but you have to see for yourself what it's really like. The second time you know what you have to do and find that there is no escape.

John came in to our room this morning and climbed in bed with me. He gave me a hug, then looked up over to where Nathan usually sleeps and said "Daddy's gone?" At lunch when there was a knock at the door, John jumped out of his high chair and yelled "It's Daddy" as he ran to see who was at the door. Poor little guy doesn't understand.

I just got a call from the commander's wife that they made it to Guam safe and sound, and will be busy with meetings all day today (tonight for us) But we should hear from them probably in the morning here. I'm not sure what the time difference is. Maybe 16 hours.

We'll be busy, and we'll have a lot of fun, but I wanted to write out these feelings too. We have a rule here, though, that you're not allowed to ask "are you okay" because it just makes me cry. So don't ask. We're fine.